This picture is the only picture I have of me from 2018, during this year I was at the lowest point in my life. I was already suffering from anxiety pretty bad. During a hockey game I got a concussion and had to take a year off of hockey and wasn’t able to exercise due to concussion symptoms. Although I wasn’t fit, sports and exercise were the only tools I had to handle the dark places my mind was in. When they were taken away from me my descent into the dark places of my mind rapidly increased. As I fell, I developed more serious self harm and self abuse habits. This helped bring to the surface many self harm habits I was already practicing subconsciously.
After my concussion I was in a super dark place where I felt nothing, no joy, no sadness, just empty. It was here where I first started taking a knife to my arm, so that I could feel something. That was a quick fall into a place where cutting myself was the highlight of my day. It was the part of the day were I was alive, I could feel. After a few months I could no longer hide my cuts from my wife. I was lucky enough to have a loving wife that noticed my abusive self habits but didn't ever react. She was kind and loving and even though she didn't understand why, she never condemned me for it. She helped arrange for me to get professional help in an open invite, where I could except, when I was ready. After over a year of counselling many high and even lower points than I have ever felt, I am ready to share my story. I have been on a journey ever since and am by no means “fixed”. I want to share my journey in learning what overall health looks like so that maybe I can be a light for someone in that dark place.
